Today, I’m going to talk about depression. I’ll take you into a little bit of my struggles with it and how I’m coping with it these days.
Now, I’ve gone through two different spells of depression both lasting about 2-3 years each. The first was during high school and post high school for a little while. The second was after my last breakup a few years back. My depression will come in small waves here and there but I feel for the most part I have it as under control as I can.
The first spell started because I was unpopular in high school. I was on the football team and all, but I wasn’t popular one bit. I wanted to go to the parties and get laid and never did or could. I was never invited to one party during high school and that took it’s toll on me. I wanted to move away from that small town and ultimately I made that decision to about a year after high school and have only been back twice since. To me, if I never go back to that town again it wouldn’t bother me one bit.
Now, the second spell happened after a breakup. A few days after I told the first woman that I was with that I loved her and she broke up with me a few days later. I don’t just throw that out there unless I mean it. Looking back now, I wish I hadn’t, but I did. I ended up learning and growing from that but it has (and still does) make me very hesitant about entering into another relationship again. So, that started this second spell which I was getting over in 2014 when another close friend of mine basically lead me on thinking I had a chance with her for her to ultimately leave me hanging for another guy (whom she married). That was another bad blow to me, though we were never together, we had been pretty tight friends for years and for that to happen really sucked.
Now, I’m not throwing a pity party for myself. I’m just saying this to set up why I had depression. I tend to harbor on things like these way longer than I should. And on top of that, I had other shit piling up too, so that didn’t help. I was very lonely during these two times. That also had a lot to do with it. Thankfully I did see a Counselor the second time and talk to my friends about it which helped me ultimately get through it in time. I’m also now making myself first priority and protecting myself more than anything and building myself up the best way I can to get through this difficult world.
I say all of this to say that if you’re dealing with depression, it’s ok to get help. When I went to see a Counselor that was one of the best things I could’ve done for myself. It was a decision that I’m not ashamed of one bit. It was awkward at first but it gets easier talking to someone over time. If you need help, get it. Don’t be afraid to.
That’s all I have for now. I hope everyone has a great day and week.