Hebrews 11:1 – Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen.
I have to be honest, I’m probably not the best fit to be talking about this subject considering I probably don’t have the greatest of faith. But, it’s something none the less I do want to speak on and improve on in my life.
I want to start off by saying that I do have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ. I came to know Him on June 19, 2011 which coincidentally was Father’s Day that year. I was in service and had previously felt something in my heart the week prior to go up to the front and accept the invitation at the end of the service, but I didn’t. So the next weekend (June 19, 2011) during the invitation I again felt that same something in my heart to go up and accept the invitation, that time I did. That day I became a child of God.
When I first accepted Him I was excited and nervous because I didn’t necessarily know what to do. I had been attending my church about a year at this point and was involved, so I knew to keep going but besides that I had to figure out how to fully have a relationship with God. All I knew at the time was to read my Bible and pray. So I did that.
I’m going to fast forward a little bit here. About a year in a half after this I had my first real conflict. My girlfriend at the time ended things with me. I had truly felt that God wanted us together but when I look back I see that wasn’t the case. More so, I was just following my emotions. But at the time, I was devastated. I fell into quite a depression that Spring and I wanted out of this place for a little while, so I decided to sign back up to work at the summer camp that I previously worked at then ultimately decided to stay and work there that fall semester. I did it because I wasn’t quite ready to return to this city.
I say all this because ever since the start of 2013 when the breakup occured I’ve been dealing with depression on and off. It starts with being lonely, followed by depression and ultimately the thoughts of feeling suicidal. And just to specify, no I won’t ever follow through with that. But I have felt them on a couple of occasions these last few years. Ultimately during all of this time I have fallen in and out of relationship with God. I guess I felt when I would try to seek Him that He would instantly heal me if I were to pray that everyday. Note, I’m not a patient person. Also, when one little thing went wrong I would act like He wasn’t there or cared. I was just tired of bad things always happening. So ultimately, I’d just fall away again.
I’ve been on and off with Him these last few years and I’ve recently realized that’s because of me and how I wish things would go instead of ultimately having faith that He would lead and guide me and my life. I wanted instant gratification instead of realizing these things I wanted and prayed for takes time and it isn’t on my own time. I’d be wrong to say that I don’t still get mad at Him, after all I’m human and imperfect that’s why Christ sacrificed His life that through Him we can be cleansed in God’s eyes.
I say all this because I need to have better faith in Him. Not a short time faith, but a faith that lasts long term. I know how I am when I’m after God and when I’m distant. And honestly, I’m an asshole when I’m away from Him. When I’m close to Him I’m a completely different person, and that’s all thanks to Him. I want to be a man with a strong faith in God. Not a guy who tries to chase women to get some brief pleasure that ultimately leads me to feeling even more empty inside and unhappy. But a man who has a purpose in life because I have God.
I’m tired of chasing the world and what if has to offer. I want to chase God. I want to have a strong faith. I want to be a man who when people look at me see that a major change has taken place. I hope that is the case.
And my hope is that if you have faith, don’t give it up for the world. It isn’t worth it. And if you don’t have faith and ever want to talk about that, feel free to message me or someone you know who does have a strong faith. Have a good night and God bless everyone.